I struggle to finish things.
If I’m listening to music, a song seldom has a chance to finish before I’m onto the next track. I start blog posts and never *quite* get to posting them. My history with the Internet is littered with blogs I’ve started but never really dedicated myself to. In fact, not since my 90s/early 20s obsession with both boy bands and cricket have I found completely immersed in something. Whatever it is, eventually I get bored and move on to the next thing.
Sure, sometimes I revisit things; whether it’s a silly celeb crush that reminds me why they’re crush-worthy, or that I’ve gotten old enough to appreciate the occasional whiff of nostalgia – it’s usually a short visit.
If you read a few pop psychology blogs and fancy yourself a psychologist, your spidey senses are probably screaming, “Oh emm gee, blogger, you’re a classic perfectionist” right now.
Well, maybe. … Quite possibly. Okay, you have an 83% chance of being right. And no, I haven’t validated that with an appropriate Buzzfeed quiz; being randomly specific on a nonsense fact is quite thrilling in my world.
Seeing as I’m trying reals hard to not edit and rewrite everything you’ve read until now, it’s safe to say that we’re getting into ‘Deep Breaths’ territory – more a point in time than a place. It’s that bit when the walls of your mind close in and you find yourself in a state of temporary claustrophobia. A moment of panic, or anxiety, it can only be alleviated with deep breaths and constantly repeating a comforting phase. I’ve gone into at least 2 Deep Breaths territories on this paragraph alone. Eeep!
Tip: If you find yourself in your own Deep Breath territory, I find taking a deep breath + repeating comforting phrase + dramatic hand gestures to be a great power combo.
This great peek into my inner mind machinery isn’t just me falling into a blogging cliche, it’s a part of the reason for this latest blog attempt (even though blogging isn’t tres cool anymore).
To survive repeat Deep Breaths, I’ve had to find things in the world that help me recenter (and not in the esoteric, foo-foo ways made popular by the Hot Yoga and Green Smoothies crew). No. One of those things-in-the-world is what I call performance art in its real-est sense: Storm, by Tim Minchin.
If you’re unfamiliar with it, you can find the full story at the end of the post. I’m going to go ahead and refer to the ending in a bit – so, SPOILER ALERT:
I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant bit of carbon.
I have one life, and it is short and unimportant
But thanks to recent scientific advances
I get to live twice as long as my great great
I get to live twice as long as my great great great great uncles-es and aunts-es.
Twice as long to live this life of mine
There’s so much to take away from the piece in its entirety, I could never fully do it justice. But the bit that I take away from it is this: no matter how I feel right now (or, more specifically, in a Deep Breaths moment in time), I’m just a small bit of carbon. It matters that I don’t matter. There’s no need for the pressure I’m placing on myself in that moment, there’s no need to freak out; I’m just another part of this great big world. I just need to take stock of things. I need to remind myself of the good bits in the world. Simple.